Do you want to feel happy or would you prefer not to feel unhappy?
The western world is running away from unhappiness and suffering. We don’t talk about it, we don’t accept it, and any expression of it will make us look odd. It has been amazing that it is changing but there is still quite a journey to take.
With so many self-help books, so many self-proclaimed success gurus, and achieved people on social media, we would think that any bad feelings would be a thing of the past!
Do these five things a day to feel happy!
It is interesting how we live in a world where we just don’t want to admit that we are often unhappy. Or even worse, that our default is to be unhappy. It is just a terrible thing to sell. Would you rather feel like any woman eating salad (just google it to find out that there is no more joy in life than a leaf and tomato) or just not feel bad.
Personally, I will take the absence of unhappiness any day of the year!
We see the patterns of unhappiness and how to start dealing with it in ancient philosophy from Greece to Asia (not exclusively). Stoicism and Buddhism have been investigating suffering and unhappiness for thousands of years and there are many other philosophies and religions based on the same premise.
So where did we lose it? How come we have turned it around and focused on bringing the good feelings rather than working with the bad ones? It is almost based on the belief that happiness will clear up all the clouds of unhappiness. Like they are mutually exclusive. If that would be the case a lot of addictions would be great, yet we know it is exactly the opposite. Most often with high highs, you get low lows and no one should want low lows.
In general, it is a hard conversation because we do not have the tools. We are not taught how to think about ourselves, or how to deal with our consciousness*.
Why do we behave the way we do?
It is almost frowned upon to try to navigate it because you might be the negative one rather than someone who pushes it all away for chasing happiness. If you want to be happy you are a strong individual who wants to be successful and you know what you want. When you don’t want to be miserable, you are whiney and weak. #mentalHealth
It is amazing when you find that some people feel a similar way and then the realization that it spans continents and millennia! If you feel that you are on your own in it, you are not! A lot of us are unhappy quite often, it is normal and there are some tools how to work with it.
What are the tools? Philosophy, dialog with ourselves, and meditation. For a lot of people, it is religion. Look at AAs 12 steps program. If you are not religious you might want to replace “God” with your kitten or anything else which has meaning in your life, but a lot of it applies to each of us.
Philosophy helps with understanding that we are not in this on our own and gives us language and mental models to use and to work with.
The endless dialog with ourselves helps us apply it to ourselves and learn why we are the way we are.
And meditation helps with not biting on our thoughts. consciousness* is fishing for attention and it gets it. Meditation helps with taking ourselves back and disassociating ourselves from our thoughts.
What might be discouraging is that those are skills and practices for the rest of your life. One way how to look at it is the same as physical exercise. Most of us will never beat any records or even be the strongest, or fastest in the local gym. However, consistent exercise will help us be able to go for long walks, cycle rides, or hike a mountain when we retire. It mitigates the risk of falling from stairs and breaking your hip. It is an investment in the quality of life, with a regular deposit.
Anyway. Happiness is overrated, lack of unhappiness rocks!
*I will never be able to spell this to a quality that Grammarly knows what word I am trying to use and I’m ok with that.
Just above average 